Blackened Soul Stone

I was given my first blackened soul stone by Sorynn. At the time I wasn't sure why she'd give me anything. At the most we've been acquaintances, and the least... Well, nothing good.

Now, the guild wears them as badges denoting our membership of Honor. (Speaking of which, I need to get a badge for Shim and Eme) I pass them to those that owe me debts - my initials engraved on one side. Now, though, I carry one with a single word upon it. A reminder she said, along with a lockpick.

She is doing her best to keep me rooted here, and I am not sure telling her that I'm going to return is doing any good. Seems I'll just have to go, and come back to prove it.

As for that lockpick...it moved so smoothly between my fingers, as if I never gave it up.

Soon.

Fame and Riches.

Certainly many in the lands know who I was. Few know who I am. Even fewer know the truest me. Very few. Zero, in fact.

The multi-colored, lavishly dressed, and odd example of a Rogue has given me insight. Perhaps it is time to show others who I am within.

Perhaps.

Summerfaire has ended, and the riches of such a time were great.

This was not my first Summerfaire to attend, but it was the first to compete in multiple things.

New Era's Cooking and Ale contests.
RoK's Sand Castle contest.
The Vanguards Lemonaide Recipe contest.
Twilight Serenity's Lottery Bloom.
Serendipitous Resurrection's Valorn (Bingo).

Altogether, I won quite a bit of treasure:

Six Weapon Primitives.
Blank Amulet.
8000p
Treasure Box.
Elaborate Jeweled Necklace
Golden Age SelfMod - Int +1
Golden Age Teleport Scroll - Caernivale
Golden Age ArmorMod - AC +1 Weight +2
Golden Age WeaponMod - Value +40

I spent a few nights forging a set of armor for the High Queen. Unsure if she'll like what I made, but it should be the right fit and highly comfortable for her. Though, I doubt Hojo would allow her to wear something my hands have touched.

This is a short tale of the beady-eyed shark.

When young, the grey-skinned predator was wide-eyed, full of youthful energy and lack of concern. Swimming across the choppy seas, he had little in mind except gulping down an initiate, or a guardian. How else would sharks have such lovely gifts for those that entreat them with stave of wood and blades of hammered metal? Humming along his way, patrolling the shorelines of Caern, a glimmer of gold caught his wide-eyed gaze. As is usual for the creature, he submerged fully and swam the remaining distance to the highly-sought treasure. Coming up quickly beneath it, his mouth wide and teeth ready to strike, he bit into the golden gift from the gods - only to find it was an unpleasantly sized lemon! The immediate taste of such a sour trap turned his eyes into beady specks across his grey skin, and he spat it out. Unfortunately the damage was done, and thus we have the Beady-eyed Shark.

Sharks and Initiates.

I'm not entirely sure what waters the Sharks swim through to find these initiates. By the amount of gear I've collected from my most favorite creature, they must be along the Dundee Shoreline quite frequently. Perhaps they attack the ferries and take victim all on board.

Regardless of how the Sharks get the gear, I find it rather comforting to know they are well fed.

Wood Shavings.

The contest went wonderfully well, in my opinion. We had a great turnout of not only contestants, but observers.

In other news, I've informed the guild I will be leaving at the end of the cycle and passing leadership to Matha in my absence.

Eight turns remain.

The Evil.

Achelle and I were speaking in N'rolav. Yes, a place not many retreat to for solace, but I find it relaxing and peaceful... I suppose that isn't surprising.

A mist bubbled from the rubble to the east of the path. As it came closer to us, it congealed and formed a shapeless blob.

Disgusting.

I drew my Pilum and poked at it. My insatiable appetite for knowledge cost me my weapon. As it jerked the Pilum away, I stuttered forward, but quickly regained my footing and lurched back. Only then did a tendril snap forth, attempting to attack Achelle. Weaponless, I doze at the tendril with teeth bared and sharpened nails ready.

It quickly subdued me and destroyed me. Sending me to the monument.

As I attempted to return, Dark Tendrils and Dark Clouds blocked my path. Zanaan and Jaltz valiantly fought, and died several times, but eventually the path was clear. All too late, it seems. Achelle's body lay motionless on the ground, and the mist was no where to be seen.

It will pay for my weapon, of that I am certain.

The Cycle.

At the end of it, I depart for the mountains.

My return? Unknown. Unplanned. Unwanted.

I told her and she seemed to not care. I suppose that is a good sign for her. Moving on quickly, even if she doesn't show it.

Lies.

How long will I continue to lie to others? To myself?

If I am truthful, I am in more pain than even when the fires took my sanity.

Others will not know that. How could they? The words written here, I do not share with anyone.

They cannot know the pain I suffer. They cannot know the truth.

Change.

When petitioning for access to Caer, I told the Queen change cannot cease, we must always push forward.

I meant it. Strangely enough.

Those closest to me fear I shall relapse into my former self. Truthfully, I am better than ever. It seems Isolde did me a favor when leaving. I am free from catering to her, free from wasting coin and time on things to make her happy. What a chore.

While the original reasons for change are gone, the need for it is not; and while some will say the attributes I possess aren't good, I will kindly disagree. Charm, Dedication...these are good, yes? Is not Charm deceptive? Is not Dedication often misconstrued as being obsessive?

Change is necessary for us to survive. I hope others realize that before the end is upon us.

Knowledge.

Some seek it, others despise it. I want it.

I have read all of the books I can find, and now I want more. I have taken to learning the spells of Enchanters, and once I have completed learning all the Blessings of Clerics, I believe I will recant this profession and move to the next. I already have a sponsor in mind, one that I made a promise to. Once those Spells are finished, and my name rests upon the Script at Ryndall's outpost in Dundee, I will move on to Warrior and claim their book of Lore. Only then will I return to the first. Only then will I seek out the ultimate possession, the Master Lockpick.

The shadows call to me, begging me to return, but I must fulfill this quest before I can become one with them again.

Before I can find my true Love.

The Darkness.

Sustenance.

After a helpful discussion with the unlikeliest of people, I've pushed myself to take a bite of food. The first in turns. I've decided withering away isn't an option. Truly, the better option is to eat regularly, to train more often, and to become stronger than I was before. It was her decision to leave, it will be her to rue the night she did so. I will not suffer at the thoughts of Why, any longer.

The Shark, refined and tempered, is back.

Ladies, hide your purses.

Wood and Daggers.

Summerfaire is soon upon us, and HONOR is hosting a wood carving contest. Four people are currently signed up. If more do not sign up, or show up during the contest, then I'll likely dismiss the contest and reward each person with a small sum of plat, judges included.

Almost feels like a waste to try.

"Stay Good."

Her final words to me have rung in my ears since they were uttered. It was almost as if she could see the darkness building within me, once again.

"Anything to make you happy."

The phrase I gave her so many times, and more than that, the actions that went therewith.

I have withdrawn from the world, as is right in this time. Now comes the shoring up of defenses against the foe that will surely fall against me in this momentary weakness. It is strange - having those around me that truly care for my well-being. Truly they are better people than those I left. That self-involved guild of putrid and filth.

Are my words safe here, in this private journal? I do not misplace things, nor do I share many of my thoughts with others. We shall see if sneaky hands can pry these fins from this shark.

In closing, the glow that she so jokingly spoke about taking is dimmer. I wonder if it will fade completely.

Let the hunt begin.

Darkened Skies.

The night as come. The one I feared would. Nothing is safe from the shadows, not even me.

Friendship is a viable option. It will cost less, and will allow me time to restore myself to the business man I once was. Is this a good thing? Will I fall into the darkness that took me before? I can only hope that will not occur. I wish to consult Myna, but I haven't seen her since she gave her vision for the dog.

I will overcome.

Doubt.

Not mine. Theirs.

I know my course is true, my actions are right, my thoughts are pure - but they doubt.

They will always doubt.

Once a Shark always a Shark.

If they only knew how little I resemble the man before the Fire. If they could only witness the edge of darkness that it brought me to. Then they would know the fear that is within me. The fear that drives me to be better.

The Fear of being Alone.

She had it right. The Rogue, Sehdae. She said I would die alone, and I know the words to be true. It is only a matter of time until it happens. Until then, I strive. I work hard in renovating the guild hall, I push others to become better. I, myself, become better each passing night. I haven't conned someone since I became a Cleric. Even then, it was hardly a con. Akassa was the best option for my changing, and while I would never admit it, she wasn't chosen on accident.

For now, that is all.